It's been awhile...

We've had some fun trying to figure out the complexities of parenthood. The joke is that they don't give you a handbook when your baby is born. But really...they don't! It's all learn as you go, and sometimes it's trial by fire.



Being a Mom didn't come as easily to me as I'd thought it would, and I don't think that I'm alone in this! If I hear one more person describe their first month home with a new baby as "Wonderful" or "The most amazing thing ever" I just might laugh in their face. SURE bringing your baby home from the hospital is a wonderful and amazing thing in general, but that first month? Not so much.

I bring this up because I have a dear sister-in-law who just gave birth to my newest nephew and right now I'm feeling her pain as I remember the struggles of being a new mom. My other sister-in-law has a 5month old boy and is due with her second in early September. I'm trying to imagine in my mind how I would deal with that...



I remember wandering around our house literally in a daze. Between the copious amounts of laundry that was piling up and my painful leaky ta-tas there was nothing "wonderful" about it. Take this with a grain of salt please as of course there were moments with my son that were so amazing and wonderful that I still cry when I think about them.



More than anything, in those first weeks I wanted to go back to work. "I don't believe you!" you say? I did. I felt like my job was something I knew how to do whereas this whole mom thing was beyond me. Everything was a big deal. From the color of his pee to the color of his spit up everything was cause for concern. Now outwardly I'm sure I came off as a mom who was confident in her motherly ability, but on the inside I was worried about everything. I was dying to go to work and do some sales analysis in an excel spreadsheet.



After the first month it got a little easier because the lil' devil got easier to handle. The neck thing wasn't as scary, we had figured out the eating thing, basically we got a handle on the basics. Unfortunately we, as women, aren't real good at admitting the "bad" things. It's taken a lot for women to open up and share with me how hard it was for them. The instant new mom reaction when anyone asks how it's going is to say "It's so amazing". Why can't we just admit to each other that it's tough, we sometimes don't know how we're going to keep doing it, and it just plain sucks sometimes?



There. I've said it. I'm sure I'll have my "Mom Club" card revoked, but I've said it. While being a Mom is truly and honestly the best thing I've ever done in my life, it's still the hardest thing I've ever done. When the whole family is bedridden with the flu, it's still Mom that keeps things going. Even if she's shaking with fever and puking in a bucket, Mom is the one who takes care of the baby and the Daddy. That just plain sucks, but it's a part of being a Mom. That's what I mean when I say it just plain sucks sometimes.

Balancing career, daycare, checkups, playdates and my marriage (poor hubby) is hard enough, but add in lovely cold and flu season and it's downright impossible. As I type lil' devil is in the midst of a bought with diahrrea cha-cha-cha. It never ends, and I have a much better appreciation for my mom who raised three kids. Nobody said it was easy but nobody told me it would be so HARD to be a Mom! Not that I would have listened anyway.

Then of course there are moments of immeasurable joy. The first smile, the giggles, all of the things that make you realize that although this is the hardest thing both physically and mentally that you'll ever do, it's also the toughest job you'll ever love.

Still, being a mom keeps me on my toes. The minute I think I've got a handle on it, something changes. But even with the ear infections, diahrrea, flu, rashes, fevers and the ever present mysterious virus, he is still the best thing that has ever happened to us.

As I stare at my lil' devil sleeping in his jammies, I fall in love with him all over again for the millionth time. We can't imagine life without him. Of course, I can't imagine doing it all over again either...yet.